Friday, January 13, 2012
This past Tuesday my niece Cristy, a nurse, locked herself in the bathroom of her Florida home. With my sister, Melanie out in the living room playing Clue with her seven-year-old son, Luke, Cristy killed herself. Both Luke and my sister Mel stood by and watched in helpless horror when the paramedics arrived and used the paddles that failed to shock Cristy’s abandoned body back to life. You, me, Cristy, Mel and Luke share a common thread … we deeply and intimately know suffering from the inside out.
It is that intimate knowing that ties us together. And it will continue to tie us together even when the thread sometimes seems pretty thin or we forget we’re even connected at all. Just because we forget that the air we breathe is all around us, doesn’t make the air any less present or real. And just because we might forget the love that powers the human heart, and let Wild Mind generate all kinds of crazy-shit fearful thinking temporarily blocking heart-awareness, doesn’t mean our hearts aren’t still continually connected and powered by love.
But it’s not JUST the suffering that is our common tie, of course. It is our commitment to work to relieve that suffering, both in ourselves and on behalf of others that insistently and persistently ties and connects us. Because suffering knows suffering, we share a deep, common intimacy. That’s just the way it is. And the way it will continue to be.
I’m a firm believer in doing my best to open and receive the mirror-gifts the universe decides to send our way. The Universe has sent us each other. And for good reason. If you could see yourself through my eyes, you would wake up like I do, at 3AM most every night, smiling and ready to charge into the day. Viewing yourself through my eyes, you would see this incredibly courageous person, willing to do what so few other people in the world are not – willing to turn towards the beast of suffering and confront it head on. That is such a very, very rare quality in the world. While so many people are looking outside themselves and looking for and finding all the ways the world isn’t measuring up, turning their hearts and minds away from the essential shame so many of us deeply feel, you’re busy looking inside and doing your best to grapple with the demons you find continually springing to life in there. And you’re learning to befriend them. To welcome and embrace them as old familiar friends, as just part of the constellation of energies that make you who you uniquely are. It’s that willingness, to say what’s true for you and to continually grow into being able to discern and ask for what you want, from yourself and from others, that makes you a really rare human being – a truth-teller, willing to stare shame and shadow in the face and make them your bitch. In doing so, you become someone who can be trusted. And what you can be trusted to do in telling people the truth, is hang in there in the service of trying to relieve shame, relieve blame, relieve suffering. You are precisely the kind of person that any sane person would absolutely want in their life.
Below is a list of positive human qualities. Take a look at it. An honest look. How many of those qualities do you find showing up in yourself in any given week? An honest look has to have you checking off quite a few of those qualities. After you go through the list, simply realize that the opposite of many of those qualities also lives in you, is a part of you. They are simply part of what makes you, me, and everyone else … human. And we all deserve to be loved and forgiven for being human.
On this day I am honored to celebrate our humanity, our dark humanity and our light humanity, acknowledging and moving through this first cycle of Good at the Beginning, Good in the Middle, and Good at the End.
Love,
Mark
Positive Qualitities
Able
Eager
Kind
Rational
Accepting
Easy-going
Learning
Realistic
Accurate
Efficient
Leisurely
Reasonable
Adaptable
Empathic
Light-hearted
Reflective
Adventurous
Energetic
Likable
Relaxed
Affectionate
Enterprising
Logical
Reliable
Alert
Enthusiastic
Lovable
Reserved
Ambitious
Fair-minded
Loving
Resourceful
Artistic
Faithful
Mature
Responsible
Assertive
Fit
Merry
Robust
Broad-minded
Free
Mild
Sexy
Calm
Friendly
Moderate
Sincere
Capable
Fulfilled
Modest
Sociable
Candid
Funny
Natural
Special
Careful
Generous
Neat
Spontaneous
Caring
Gentle
Non-judgemental
Spunky
Cautious
Glad
Nurturing
Stable
Charming
Good-natured
Open-minded
Strong
Cheerful
Growing
Optimistic
Tactful
Childlike
Happy
Organized
Talented
Clear-thinking
Healthy
Original
Tenacious
Clever
Helpful
Outgoing
Thankful
Compassionate
Honest
Patient
Thorough
Competent
Hopeful
Peaceful
Tolerant
Confident
Humorous
Persevering
Trusting
Conscientious
Idealistic
Persistent
Trustworthy
Considerate
Imaginative
Pleasant
Understanding
Cooperative
Independent
Polite
Uninhibited
Courageous
Individualistic
Positive
Uniqu
Creative
Industrious
Practical
Versatile
Curious
Informal
Precise
Warm
Dependable
Ingenious
Progressive
Whole
Determined
Intelligent
Punctual
Witty
Dynamic
Inventive
Quiet
Zany
